it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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