Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
