Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's like iHOP with fire
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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