Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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