I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
