But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
