my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
