I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
