i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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