i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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