What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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