I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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