theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so much tequila, so little girl.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
