The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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