my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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