I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
