I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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