Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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