New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
