New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
