I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
