Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
