She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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