Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
