Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
