i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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