Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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