Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
