Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
