i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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