he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
