We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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