So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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