why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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