It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
