you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
