dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
