my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
