I cockslap morals
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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