he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
me + whiskey = a bad person
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
