this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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