That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.