wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often