just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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