I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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