Me too!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
