so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
