He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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