I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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