I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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