She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
