this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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