Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
