His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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