Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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