Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
