I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
