Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
