i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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