Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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