respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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