____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I see more hoeing in ur future
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
