I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Still dying that you shit outside
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
