You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
