your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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