I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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