It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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