i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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