He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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