I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
